Good news, everyone! The Washington Post, home of arguably the worst opinion section in America, has taken to heart the criticisms levelled against it and addressed these inadequacies byclosing its remaining United States bureaus. Finally!

The decision was nothing if not pragmatic. As executive editor and mental gymnast Marcus Brauchli explains, “We are not a national news organization of record serving a general audience. Nor are we a wire service or cable channel.” Not only that, but “We can effectively cover the rest of the country from Washington.” Other than the fact that its own ombudsman feels comfortable printing—without argument—letters claiming the Post actually is a newspaper of record and the general hilariousness of the idea that occasionally sending reporters to insignificant burgs like New York, Chicago and Los Angeles is just as good as having full-time writers in those cities, this is perfectly sensible.

For those dismayed by the announcement, though, rest assured the Post will continue to give money to crypto-fascist shit-demon William Kristol and actual dinosaur Richard Cohen, which is in many ways even better than paying reporters to gather real news.